


the algorithm (of my heart)

by kenta (takadatv)



Category: JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hodken, M/M, and kenta is a mess, donghan is overdramatic and moody, ft. teen top in a rock band au because i can !!, hoduken, kenhodu, kinda sci-fi/fantasy ?, rated m for moderate spicy probably in chapter 2, side nyangbin, side sogyun, so many ship names.., very angsty at some points i'm warning u
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 16:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13815246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takadatv/pseuds/kenta
Summary: They always told Donghan that his heart was too soft, but he didn't listen.(Otherwise known as: in a world of Perfect Matches and Happily Ever Afters, where do friends with benefits fit in?)





	1. anything

**Author's Note:**

> SO this is an au i brainstormed with marie back in october or november-? and she gave me permission to turn it into a Fic so i kinda took the idea and got WAY carried away with it, haha,,, this is a story that is dear to my heart and though i was hoping to post it all at once, i got too impatient and wanted to share at least ~one~ chapter sooner rather than later. 
> 
> this one's self-edited, so i'm sorry in advance for any weird wording or typos ;; and compared to my other works so far, it's got a fairly serious, extra angsty tone (and it'll get angstier as it goes on IM SORRY..) but i'm hoping it's not too boring. there will only be four chapters but it'll probably still be a pretty long read in the end so fair warning!!
> 
> in any case, pls enjoy this mess! i've had lots of fun planning & writing this so i hope some of u like it too!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **I. anything**  
>  II. something  
> III. nothing  
> IV. everything

Once upon a time, people used to have a choice.

They could _choose_ again and again — over and over and  _over,_ if they wanted to — cycling through dozens of failed relationships, or maybe even just one or two if they were lucky. The chance of finding "the one" was slim, and there was no way of confirming whether your The One was really The Right One for you or not. It was a mess, most would agree now; and it was _sad_ for those who drew the short straw and could never find the fulfilling relationships they were meant to have.

The day that the 2HEART dating application sold its technology to the government is the day that everything changed.

It only took ten years or so to perfect what is now seen as the _only_ way to handle dating, love, long-term commitment, et cetera. Commonly referred to as “the system", it’s an algorithm created by the geniuses at 2HEART, developed and refined by the government’s best researchers to the point where they can find your perfect _match_ using just a drop of your blood. By applying a formula that only a few can interpret, they can also pinpoint the exact day, minute, even the _second_ that you are supposed to meet. The 'system' boasts a 99.9% satisfaction rate, the common belief being that the leftover 0.01% are either mistaken, or lying for the attention.

Everyone’s story starts the same way. The day you turn fifteen, they give you your watch — you don't have a choice to go without it (but who would want to, when there's a free, government-supplied service that displays your destiny right in front of you?) As soon as they start teaching sex-ed in health class, they teach the children about the origins of the 2HEART foundation, how the technology works and what to expect from it.

Over the past twenty years, the 2HEART watches have become indoctrinated into everyone's everyday lives all over the developed world; only the older generation remembers the days when soulmates were just a spiritual myth. It's revolutionary, the solution to so many of society's problems, so they all say — because no one ever has to take a _chance_ on finding love ever again.

Donghan thinks it's all a load of shit.

 

* * *

 

It's a Friday night and with nothing better to do, Kim Donghan is lurking around at yet another party. It’s the second time he’s gone out this week, but it’s a concert this time instead of a club — some rock band he doesn't listen to is playing, and the crowd is a mixture of dedicated fans and people who are just there to get drunk, making everything a writhing, dancing mess and Donghan is left feeling somewhat suffocated. The lights from the stage sweep across the venue, spotlighting people in the audience, but most of the light on the floor itself comes from the shining red and blue lights swinging around over the heads of the excitable concert-goers as they use their 2HEART watches as glowsticks.

Donghan squints as the strobe lights kick up again, blinding him for the third time as he veers away from a rowdy couple dancing with their red watches held high in the air. The girl trips over nothing, sloshing beer over the edge of her cup as it splashes the edge of Donghan's relatively nice white shirt. He scowls lightly, fixing them both with a deadly look but they either don't notice or don't care, carrying on with their antics as the girl laughs and falls back into the arms of her boyfriend — her soulmate, or _what-the-fuck-ever_. Donghan huffs through his nose, rolling his eyes and half-hoping they can see it.

He's only been here for an hour, but he already considers leaving. Despite rarely spending a weekend at home, Donghan doesn't _love_ the atmosphere of concerts like this. He doesn't like to dance with strangers, doesn’t really fit in with the chaotic drunk people — and he doesn't even know the music that well, anyway.

Considering that this place isn’t really his scene at all, one could say Donghan is pretty dedicated to his craft. He came here for only one thing: to seek out the impaired and the _un_ paired looking to be distracted from the years left on their blue watches; the lonely and impatient people yearning to find company in someone who is probably even more lonely and impatient than themselves — and Donghan fits the bill perfectly. 

It's _beyond_ taboo to sleep with someone who isn't your match, but it's nigh impossible for most people to stay virgins for so many years. Donghan knows this very well — he himself is proof, as he's a first-hand witness to the infidelity and impulsivity of young people.

It's not hard to find them in raunchy places like nightclubs and concert halls, dive bars and sketchy parties, any place filled with those willing to throw away their morals in favour of living out their hedonistic and horny dreams. It's so _easy_ for them to end up with Donghan — the tall, handsome and mysterious boy with the broken watch who whisperspromises of _no strings attached_ and sultry little _it’s our secret_ ’s into desperate ears.

Is Donghan a bad person? Maybe. But the people he takes home aren’t any better.

He plays it safe, though. He holds them at a distance, ghosts them after the first night even when they beg for another; he can't risk getting to know anyone when he knows each and every one of them is just waiting for someone else.

 _Been there, done that_ — and he ended up with enough emotional baggage to weigh him down for a lifetime.

He's perfectly fine with this plan, he's happy being able to mess around with people and not face the consequences. He's never going to experience _love_ like everyone else can and yes, it's his own fault, but he's long since accepted his fate. Donghan thinks he's better off that way, anyway (he pretends not to notice the hole in his heart growing bigger every time he leaves someone's apartment in the middle of the night.)

_Come on Seoul, make some noise!_

As Donghan flattens himself against the wall of a venue, a group of young people pushes past him. They all have red watches, he notes, the corners of his lips pulling downward as his gaze sweeps across the crowd in front of him. Sure enough, nearly _everyone’s_ watch is red. _Well, fuck,_ he thinks, slightly bitter. _Is it couple’s night or something? Gross._

Seducing someone with a red watch is _not_ impossible, Donghan has definitely done it more than once. (Again, is he a bad person? _Probably.)_ But it's not as easy, and it’s hard enough for him to talk to anyone in this singing, screaming mess of a crowd. It comes down to whether or not Donghan is desperate enough to bother..

As the crowd jostles him again, Donghan scowls and makes up his mind pretty quickly: he's too tired, too lazy to put in the effort — he's better off actually getting some sleep anyway. He pushes off the wall, shouldering past some more wasted girls as he heads toward the bright red of the EXIT sign again.

Not even three seconds later, someone fully crashes into him head-on, making him stumble backward.

Donghan catches himself just in time to reach out and stop the smaller person from falling by grabbing their elbows. Despite feeling annoyed initially, Donghan waits until they’re steady, frowning but still eyeing them to make sure they’re alright.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry-!"

With light-coloured bangs falling somewhat into heavily eyeshadowed eyes, the stranger looks up at him.

_Woah._

Donghan notices instantly that he's really fucking cute, for one. His hair looks soft and his face even softer, like there are no edges to him at all. He's good-looking; _pretty_ is the word that comes immediately to mind as Donghan peers down at him. But, to his confusion, as Donghan meets his eyes again after not-so-subtly checking him out he realizes the stranger is giving him a really weird look — his eyes are round, and in his expression there’s something like wonder, or maybe _hope,_ a look Donghan can't really understand. The blonde's mouth even hangs open slightly even though he doesn’t say anything, and Donghan stands there feeling more than a bit awkward.

"Uh... hi?" he asks.

The stranger breaks eye contact. "Sorry, I-" he apologizes again, and for a second he looks like he’s about to say something else, but then he stops. He glances down, directly at Donghan's wrist and then his face just _drops._

Donghan can't hear it, but he can see his lips part in a silent _oh._ And then his eyebrows draw downward, disappointment plainly written all over his face.

He stares at the watch for a moment longer, and then up at Donghan, who draws his arms away, moving his watch out of view before the other gets a chance to ask about it.

"You okay? The crowd's getting pretty wild," Donghan says, speaking slightly louder than normal to be heard over the music.

The other just looks at him again, closes his mouth and nods. He presses his lips together and looks to the side. His expression, previously filled with some kind of light just seems _tense_ now, his jaw clenched and eyes flicking to each face around them. Donghan blinks when he realizes he's not just looking away, he's looking _around_ , head swiveling as he stands up on his toes. Donghan watches him closely, eyebrows slightly raised as smaller man steps back, only to bump into someone behind him again. He cringes away from their glare as he utters his third _I’m sorry_ since Donghan has met him, and Donghan’s confusion turns into slight worry.

"Did you lose someone?” He asks, being more helpful in the moment than he normally is, like, ever — and this catches the blonde's attention, as he turns around to look back up at him.

"Yeah," he says, and his shoulders fall slightly as he sighs. He lifts up his arm, then angles his wrist towards Donghan and bites his lip. "Have you seen anyone else who might be-?"

Donghan registers the blinking blue light reflecting off of the stranger's worried face, and he puts two-and-two together quickly. He doesn’t need to see it to confirm it, but between flashes he can see that the watch face reads **00:00** in clear, black letters.

Oh.

Donghan blinks several times. He's seen someone hit their D-Day moment in public before, but that's not the weird part; normally the watch turns red within seconds, and then the scene turns into something gross and cheesy as the two soulmates make eye contact for the first time. Donghan has never seen it blink more than three or four times before, but by now the stranger’s has been going off for a few minutes. He’s confused and surprised, but as he sees the other looking around again, he figures out what's happening pretty quickly.

 _Damn,_ Donghan thinks, even more impressed than usual with the 2HEART system’s ability to fuck things up.

No wonder the man looks so panicked. Though he's supposed to meet his soulmate any second, the noise and the proximity of the crowd is making it impossible to find them easily, which must be why he's frantic. Donghan remembers, usefully, that the watch counts being in the same room as _close enough_  for it to register as the time you "meet" your soulmate. At the moment your watch reaches zero, it alerts you by making its blue light flash, as well as giving you a button to sound out a small chime.

In theory, this always works, because if you're in the same room — or in eyesight and earshot of your soulmate — considering the fact that theoretically, there would be two people looking around for someone _special_ at the same time, it should only take seconds for them to locate each other.

Donghan has never heard of someone just missing the meeting of their soulmate, but here it is — happening right in front of him. _Huh._

The calamity of the rock concert continues around them as the stranger drops his wrist again, looking dejected. Donghan sees the worry etched onto this beautiful boy’s face, the way he chews his lip and the way his eyes are shining like he's about to cry, and he adds the image to his never-ending list of reasons to fight the system for as long as he possibly can.

"Sorry. It seemed like most of the people here have red ones, honestly,"

Donghan pretends not to notice him glancing at Donghan's wrist again. _It's not me, buddy._ It can't be —  they've made eye contact already, which means his watch would've turned red by now. Donghan wonders if that was why he looked so happy when they bumped into each other. He feels a pang of something —  pity? sympathy? disappointment? — hit his gut.

Donghan hates the whole idea of soulmates and _matches_ , but remembering the way the stranger looked so hopefully into his eyes at first makes him almost wish it _was_ him — just so that he didn't have to see him look so crushed.

The stranger bites his lip and mumbles something to himself as he presses that button on his watch, but only Donghan is close enough to hear the three-note chime. Nobody else turns to look. He presses it twice, but nothing happens. Instead of facing away again, his eyes just kind of unfocus as he stares straight ahead and right through Donghan's chest.

Several people bump into them both, making the space between them become smaller and Donghan isn't sure what to do, or what to say, or anything, really. Even if he kinda wants to call somebody right now and yell _see, I told you so! I just saw the thing fuck up in front of my own eyes, I’ve got proof!_ — he feels pretty terrible. Donghan finds himself staring at this small, heartbroken young man a little too intently (he has a problem with staring at pretty things, he's been told) lamenting that a face like that shouldn't be allowed to look that sad.

"There are too many people here," the blonde finally says, speaking slowly. His voice is too quiet; Donghan has to lean closer to hear him properly. The colourful stage lights sweep across the floor, shining through his hair for a moment and making it look like it’s coloured — and Donghan can clearly see the blues and reds glinting off the tears in his eyes. But Donghan still has to bites back his sarcastic _obviously_ , and he just nods.

The stranger is still not quite looking at Donghan, but after a moment his gaze flicks up at him. "I'm not the only one looking though, right? Someone else is looking for me, which means it wouldn't be too hard..."

It has never been Donghan's nature to try to be comforting, but he finds himself answering anyway, with just a simple "yeah." and then a "Any idea what they're like?"

"I think it's a boy," the other answers, sighing. So he likes boys. _Me too,_ Donghan wants to say, but decides that now probably isn't the time. _Later._ "I mean I hope so, I don't really know," he mumbles in addition, an upset note coming back to his tone. Donghan can tell just by the look in his eyes, as he glances away again to search the people around them, that this mystery match means a lot to him — much more than the people Donghan normally associates with.

The main singer of the band announces that they're about to play their last song, which makes the blonde jolt, and then look alarmed.

"I'll help you find him," Donghan blurts, surprising himself. The other boy glances at him, a surprised look on his face. 

_What the fuck, why do I care?_ It isn't his business.

In fact, if this stranger never _does_ meet their soulmate, then it adds another argument to Donghan's theory that 2HEART is bullshit and that they should all ditch it and go back to the way things used to be. People just don't _listen_ when they have thousands of cases of perfect matches and _found the ones_ to show that this is the way things should be — but now there's a perfect, breathing example of the system’s flaws right here, standing and shaking in front of him.

He should feel satisfied, but he doesn't. It's weird and honestly a bit scary how he can't help the way his heart hurts, watching the stranger wipe his tears with the back of his hand. After smudging a bit of glitter and eyeliner onto pale skin, he draws his hand away and stares with dismay at the mess.

Donghan exhales through his nose. They always used to tell him that his heart was too soft.

"Listen- everyone will be clearing out soon. If we can make our way around to the door, we can watch for people leaving." There's only one exit, and the venue isn't very big. The other man is right, in that there will be someone else looking for him, too — and if that person is smart, they’d come up to the exit to do the same thing. It's not a bad plan, Donghan thinks.

"We'll find him, okay?" he presses on, surprising himself for the second time as he rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Okay," the blonde answers softly, his posture easing up under Donghan's touch. He's still clearly upset, but the assurance that _someone_ is going to stick with him and try to help him out seems to make him feel at least a little bit better. He takes a long, shaky breath.

"Thanks," he says. "I'm Kenta," he adds quietly, reaching out with the arm that has his watch on it.

To Donghan's surprise, the stranger — _Kenta_ — smiles weakly at him, and it's the goddamn cutest thing he has ever seen. His smile is small, and doesn't quite reach his watering eyes but Donghan can feel the warmth coming from him anyway. He can't help but to smile back, with closed lips but still genuine. 

He takes Kenta's outstretched hand in his and clasps it gently, light glinting off the cracked glass of his own watch. "Kim Donghan. Nice to meet you, Kenta."  
  


* * *

 

They don't find him. It takes them until the end of the song to make it around the proximity of the venue, but they haven't seen or heard of anyone else with a flashing blue watch yet; Donghan is tired and his legs are sore, but he speaks nothing of his discomfort. Kenta remains quiet, but he's stuck to Donghan's side the whole time. Donghan doesn't fight the urge to put a steadying hand on his shoulder when it seems like the crowd is likely to split them up, and if Kenta minds his touch, he doesn't say anything. 

They make it to the exit just in time for the lead singer to start his goodnight speech. As they position themselves just off to the side, Kenta stands still beside him, turning his watch slightly outward to show the flashing screen, just in case. Donghan's sharp eyes search the crowd around them, but all he sees are the same obnoxious couples and the few unmatched people clapping and cheering for encores, and very obviously not looking for anyone.

Kenta has seemed even more sullen for the last couple of minutes. Donghan squeezes his shoulder. "Hey, cheer up. This is our chance to catch everyone as they leave. There's only one exit, so they're not going anywhere. Right?"

Kenta just nods, lips jutting out slightly. Donghan looks back at the audience.

When people start making their way out, Donghan pulls Kenta closer to keep his small frame from being trampled. The shorter male stands on his toes to peer at everyone he can and Donghan is craning his neck, too. Kenta sounds out the chime a couple more times but it's in vain — the commotion of the thinning crowd still drowns it out.

Donghan sees the drunk girl who spilled beer on him earlier, He wrinkles his nose and avoids eye contact at first, but to his chagrin she stops in front of them with her soulmate still attached to her arm. She looks directly at him, looks at Kenta, and then right at Kenta's watch. She beams, then chirps "Oh wow, Congratulations!" as she pulls a very alarmed blonde into her arms for an unsolicited, sloppy hug before Donghan can stop her. "You two make a super hot couple, you're so~ooo lucky! Happy D-Day!"

As Kenta pulls back from the hug, he seems flustered. "No no, he's not my—"

She doesn't hear him, laughing and patting Kenta's other shoulder as she and her boyfriend disappear into the crowd. Donghan pulls a face.

The amount of people who look at them both and smile brightly, or give them thumbs up, try to hug them or offer congratulations is _insane_ and it doesn't take long for Kenta to start self-consciously covering up the watch face with his sleeve. Donghan clears his throat, pretending not to notice how Kenta doesn't look at him, awkwardly taking steps farther and farther away from him as people continue to bother them. _Sorry._

It takes more twenty minutes for the venue to clear out, and then it's just Donghan, Kenta, and the security guard.

Donghan shifts on sore feet, waiting for Kenta to say something. The other is quiet at first, and Donghan fears that he might cry, but he sounds surprisingly cheerful as he speaks up again. 

"Well, thanks for helping me out," Kenta says, chewing on his lip a little. "There were still too many people to see him, I think, but it would've been a lot harder without you. So, um... I guess I'll have to keep looking on my own, somehow..."

Donghan catches the way his voice breaks at the end. _Ah, there it is._ He looks at Kenta sidelong. His eyes are on the ground, blinking rapidly. "Sorry we didn't find him, Kenta. It must feel pretty shitty."

"It does," Kenta says, voice getting quiet again. "It feels like I've been waiting for this forever. I wasn't expecting..."

"You weren't expecting for the watches to fuck up. Yeah. No one does."

Kenta looks up at him then. He doesn't say anything, but his brows are slightly furrowed, and Donghan sees his gaze flicker over to his wrist again.

"Go ahead, you can ask now if you want," Donghan says, relenting as he peers down at him.

"Oh, I—" Kenta startles, sheepish. "I mean, I'm curious, but you don’t have to—"

"I broke it."

Kenta stares at him, a look of shock and then sympathy coming over his face. "That's horrible... did you fall or something?"

Donghan shifts uncomfortably, his voice flat. "Nah. I broke it on purpose."

Kenta looks even more confused than before, and stares at him for another long moment. But he nods slowly anyway, and doesn’t ask him anything further..

Donghan senses that there are many, many more questions in his eyes, but he doesn't feel like answering them now. Talking about his past to faithful 2HEART believers is always exhausting; he doesn't want to explain over and over that he broke his own watch in a fit of anger, a move of rebellion against something that wasn't supposed to hurt him in the first place.

He doesn't like telling people how much he hates the whole Soulmate, Matched in Heaven, disgustingly sweet and completely fabricated narrative. Even more so, he especially dislikes having to imply that there was once a day when he _did_ believe in it whole-heartedly.

In Kenta's sullen face and scratchy voice, Donghan recognizes himself from four years ago. Maybe that's why it makes his heart hurt so much.

He clears his throat.

"You know, it could be one of the band members," he says with a glance at Kenta’s face, trying for a joke. "I heard Ricky still has a blue watch..."

Donghan isn't expecting the complete change that comes over the blonde. Kenta gasps in an almost dramatic way, his face goes completely red as he brings both hands to his face, covering his cheeks. "What! Don't even _say_ that!" For the second time, Donghan sees that smile — even if it only peeks through his hands this time, it's worth it. "Could it really be him? Oh my God, I think I'm dying—"

 _Cute,_ Donghan thinks. As a grin appears on his own face, Donghan feels something stirring in his chest.

Obviously, Kenta really is a fan of the band. Donghan finds this endearing, so he doesn't tell Kenta that he never saw Ricky's watch flash once during the concert, or that it would be beyond unrealistic that someone in the crowd wouldn't have noticed if it was. His flustered reaction is so cute that it’s almost _too powerful_ , Donghan thinks, watching him fan his face and continue mumbling about Teen Top and the members. He almost feels bad for flustering him, but it’s much better than the way he was sulking before.

The moment is short-lived, though. The voice of the nearby security guard draws Donghan's gaze away from Kenta and snaps them both back to reality. "Hey, what are you still doing here? Move on, guys, come on."

Donghan dips his head in apology, but Kenta, who seems to have semi-recovered from his fanboy moment, straightens. He steps away from Donghan.

"Excuse me, but," the blonde speaks up, the guard looking at him with eyebrows raised. He holds up his watch. "Have you seen anyone who might be looking for me?" 

Donghan can see the guard do a bit of a double-take. And, because _of course_ , he immediately looks past Kenta and right at Donghan instead. From behind Kenta's shoulder, Donghan raises his wrist to show his own darkened watch, and smiles humourlessly. _Not me,_ he mouths. He gets the feeling that the longer he hangs around Kenta and his flashing watch, the more he's going to have to explain to people that it's not him. That it _can't_ be him.

"Nope, I haven't seen anyone," the guard answers, shrugging both shoulders. "Sorry, kid. You'll find 'em soon. News about this stuff travels fast." He pats Kenta on the arm. Donghan offers a small thanks to the guard before leading them both out of the arena.

Kenta is silent again, but Donghan doesn't push him to say anything as they walk back through the main hall, past the box office and through the building. They get to the mostly empty lobby, and it's there that he stops, turning back to face the blonde.

"You okay?" He asks, though the answer is obvious. Two streams of tears are shining on Kenta's cheeks but when Donghan looks at him, Kenta hastily wipes his face with his hand again, coming away with even more smudged makeup

"Not really," Kenta says in a soft voice. There's a pause, but then he curses, and it sounds so strange in his gentle voice that Donghan would laugh if it didn’t sound so pathetic: "This fucking sucks," he sniffs, voice cracking.

Impulsively, Donghan reaches out and pulls him into a hug, wrapping both arms around his body.

Kenta doesn't hug him back, but he doesn't fight it, either — his head rests on Donghan's chest and Donghan is vaguely aware that his shirt is probably going to end up stained with that glitter stuff, but he doesn't really care. He can’t fight the urge to have Kenta in his arms when he just looked so _small_ and sad and helpless and although Donghan can't fix his problem, he's already gotten a taste of what Kenta’s smile looks like and discovered that his tears are maybe the last thing he wants to see in the world.

A moment later, Kenta's hands come up to rest on his back, and Donghan can feel him trembling.

They stay like that for a little while before Kenta speaks up again, muffling a "thank you" into his shirt, and then he's pulling away.

"You don't even know me and you've already helped me so much, but why?" Kenta asks, big eyes blinking up at him. "You even missed most of the concert for me."

"I don't really know," Donghan answers. He's not lying. Besides the fact that Kenta is on a surreal level of cute, he doesn't know why he feels such a strong urge to protect him. If it was anyone else, Donghan could've easily brushed them off with saying something cynical about the shittiness of the system and left them behind to search by themselves; it's not that he doesn't care at all, but when it comes to _this_ specifically, he never likes to be involved.

Honestly, he doesn't care about Kenta's soulmate. The only thought stuck in his mind is that he doesn't want to see him cry.

"I'm just too soft, I guess."

Kenta’s lips quirk up slightly. He looks through the glass door at the headlights passing by, seemingly lost in thought. Donghan wonders if this is when he's going to say goodbye, surprised by how the thought leaves him feeling a little sad.

He opens his mouth, about to impulsively ask Kenta for his number but then closes it again, realizing that there really isn't a point. Why would Kenta want anything to do with him after tonight? He's going to find his soulmate any moment now. Donghan helped him get through the past couple of hours but there isn't anything else he can do, and again, _why does he care?_

But Kenta surprises him for the second time as he speaks up again.

"I know I shouldn't ask more from you — and you can say no, okay? — but I was wondering," Kenta says shyly, not quite looking at him. Donghan tilts his head slightly, but lets him go on.

"Will you come home with me?" he asks, the six words sending a shock through Donghan's whole body. "I don't want to be alone right now."

Oh no.  _Oh no._ This is definitely a bad idea.

It takes a second, but Donghan recovers from the shock to nod slowly, eyeing the smaller man carefully.   _Fuck it._

“Yeah."  
  


* * *

 

Donghan is a young man, and most young men are horny, and horny young men like Donghan can only come up with one assumption when someone asks a favour like _that_ : his thought process _should_ be obvious, but Kenta is either oblivious or the most faithful person on Earth because, although it takes the whole ride home for Donghan to figure it out, it becomes clear that Kenta's intentions are innocent.

When Kenta unlocks the door of his apartment, he kicks off his shoes and heads straight for his room. Confused, and more than a little awkward, Donghan follows after him but Kenta exclaims something about privacy and shuts the bedroom door on him, opening it again a few minutes later when he's decked-out in mint green pajamas. Kenta then becomes fairly shy, saying that Donghan can leave anytime he wants but not without dropping the polite request that he’d _really appreciate it_ if Donghan would at least stay with him until he falls asleep, because Kenta is afraid that if he’s left alone, he won’t stop crying. Donghan agrees, Kenta tucks himself in, and Donghan lays down on the bed next to him. Donghan purses his lips at the ceiling and wonders for a few moments if Kenta is secretly planning something but then the blonde wishes him goodnight, rolls over and quite literally passes out less than a minute later.

Donghan stays there, planning on waiting until Kenta’s breathing slows before he leaves. He closes his eyes just to rest for a little while, but when he opens them again, the room is bright and Teen Top’s Ricky is staring down at him.

"Uh," Donghan blinks, squinting up at the poster before he rubs his eyes. “Hi?”

The sun hits his face as he turns his head, raising a hand up to his eyes to make a shadow and he looks over to his side to see an empty bed, sheets and blankets arranged as nicely as possible with Donghan still occupying half of it. There's a bedside table, upon which sits a steaming cup of coffee.

 _Shit._ He didn’t mean to stay over — but does his no-staying-over rule still apply to someone he _doesn’t_ sleep with? Donghan blinks, then furrows his brows. Maybe not — it’s not like Kenta is in danger of feeling _attached_ or indebted like some of Donghan’s flings would.

Donghan is still just a stranger; someone who agreed to help him out in desperate times. _It’s no big deal,_ he tells himself, even though he feels more than a bit awkward as he gets out of bed and pads around Kenta's house in his socks.

As he leaves the room, he looks around. He had already seen some of Kenta's place last night, but it was dark and rushed and he didn’t really get to make anything of it.

It's a one-bedroom apartment, tiny but "cozy", as Kenta put it, with some posters lining the walls, blankets on the floor and more than one stuffed animal lying around. There were textbooks and papers strewn across the coffee table last night, but it seems like Kenta has tried to tidy up a bit more; the books are stacked nicely and Kenta has picked up his blankets and draped them over his couch, making it look more welcoming.

Donghan smiles a little to himself. He doesn't care whether or not Kenta's apartment is neat — he's not going to spend much longer here at all — but it's cute that he wanted to put in the effort.

As soon as Donghan pads into the living room, he spots Kenta in the kitchen. He doesn't notice Donghan at first. With round glasses resting on the tip of his nose, he's got a laptop open in front of him; his brows are furrowed in what looks to be a concentrated expression. "Morning," Donghan greets, and Kenta's gaze flicks up.

The blonde gives him a small, somewhat shy smile. "Morning," he repeats (Donghan doesn't know why he's acting shy when all they did was sleep next to each other, but he doesn’t say anything.) "I hope you like toast, because I just made some. It's over there on the counter..." he looks at Donghan's empty hands and blinks. "Oh, you didn’t see the coffee I left for you?"

"Yeah, I'll drink it later," Donghan says, not wanting to tell him that he doesn't really drink coffee. "How are you feeling?"

Kenta mulls the question over for a moment, then shrugs. "Bad, I guess?" He glances down at his wrist again, and Donghan follows his gaze. It's still flashing.

Donghan heads over to the counter, where, sure enough, there are two pieces of toast, buttered neatly and left on a plate with a few strawberries. He picks up the plate and sets it down on the kitchen table, across from Kenta's laptop and he slides into one of the folding chairs.

"Thanks again for staying over," Kenta says, looking at Donghan through his eyelashes for a second and then back at his laptop screen. "I don't think I could've handled being alone after all that. I could've called one of my friends, but..." he trails off, then shrugs. "They're pretty, um, busy with each other most of the time."

With half of a piece of toast in his mouth, Donghan looks at him with a question in his eyes but Kenta doesn't answer. Donghan just nods, giving him a thumbs up because his mouth is too full to speak.

He waits until he finishes chewing and swallowing the bread, then speaks up again. "What're you up to now?" he asks, gesturing at the laptop. "Homework?" He thinks he remembers Kenta mentioning something last night in the car about being in his last year of university.

He learned a few things about Kenta last night, because Donghan had told him on the ride home to talk about himself to keep distracted. One: he really is a Teen Top superfan. Two: he was there because he won those tickets three months in advance as part of a radio contest, realized that the time of the concert matched up with his D-Day and assumed that his soulmate would be a Teen Top fan as well, which had made him all the more excited to meet him.

In the car on their way here, Kenta babbled a little bit about his daily life, too; Donghan learned that he transferred here from Japan in the middle of high school, but he spends the summers with his family in Fujioka. Kenta told him about his sociology degree, his part-time job at a local karaoke bar and his love of beer and food. (He paused then, adding that he wished he could have beer tonight and Donghan laughed it off, saying that he was clumsy enough without it. Kenta hit his arm, protesting, which made Donghan grin even harder.)

Donghan realized then that he kinda likes to listen to Kenta speak. His accent was there, but it was light. He spoke in a somewhat slow, deliberate manner, pronouncing every word carefully, but perfectly. His voice was naturally soft and a little bit sing-songish, nice to listen to. Donghan didn't really contribute much to the conversation in the car, but he didn't mind at all, because he could let Kenta go on for as long as he wanted to.

"Not exactly," Kenta replies, bringing Donghan back to the present. If Donghan looks carefully, he can see a white, then a blue screen reflecting off his glasses. The specs make him look even more cute, Donghan thinks, but he tries not to pay too much attention before Kenta notices how closely he’s staring. He looks down at his toast, picking it up and taking a bite. "I was part of a Facebook group with everyone who had tickets for last night. I was thinking maybe I could go through the list of people and, I don't know..."

"Oh. Yeah." For a minute, Donghan actually forgot about the whole missing-soulmate thing. He blinks, swallowing his last bit of toast. "You think you'll just, like, know it's them?" He raises his eyebrows. "Using what, your intuition?" He didn't mean to sound so sarcastic, but it came off that way anyway. Kenta purses his lips a little.

"No," he says defensively, his fingers typing fast on the keyboard. "But some people put their D-Day on their profile. I was thinking, if someone else is in my situation then they'd probably put it there, right? Or at least their profile would say if they're already matched or not—"

It's not a bad idea, but is Kenta really going to go through a list of hundreds of people to find every single person? Donghan can't imagine it would take any less than a few hours. He stares across the table at the Japanese man, who pauses his typing to jot something down on a piece of paper beside him.

Wow. Donghan can't relate to wanting to put in that kind of effort, but he supposes for someone as dedicated to the system as Kenta, it makes sense that he'd be willing to spend the whole day looking.

“Oh, it’s you," Kenta mumbles suddenly. Donghan looks over to see Kenta's eyes slightly wide, his gaze interested as he clicks around on his screen. "You used to be blonde? It looks nice!"

Donghan's hand stops, holding a strawberry about an inch away from his face. He raises his eyebrows. "Excuse me, what?"

Kenta is still smiling, his interest apparently piqued again. "I found your profile. You haven't posted in so long..."

Donghan panics a little. He hasn't looked at his own profile in years; Facebook is ancient and he's much more of an Instagram person, or even Twitter.

" _What,_ you're only nineteen?" Kenta's jaw falls open, though the smile is still on his face. "You're just a baby!"

Donghan feels offended. A _baby?_

"I'm turning twenty this year." He narrows his eyes, reaching forward to try to get to the laptop. "Alright, that’s enough, stop looking, I dunno what's on there anymore--" Kenta pulls the laptop farther away from his reach, tutting at him. Dongan glares, but sits back. "Okay, wait, how old are _you_ then?"

"Twenty-three," Kenta answers, and with two more clicks, he's grinning again. "You like BTS? I’m more of a rock person than K-Pop, but they’re pretty cute..."

Donghan continues glaring at him, but his mind is wandering.

He's twenty-three? No way. He thought Kenta was his own age at the _youngest,_ but he never thought he'd be that much older. He thinks back to the stuffed animals lying around his living room, the rock band posters on his walls and the cute, almost childish aura he displays just by existing. Huh.

"You posted Suga’s selfies on your profile? This keeps getting better."

"Can you stop?" Donghan says, annoyed (and maybe a little bit flustered.) He’s pretty sure he made that post two years ago, how far back has Kenta gone already?

Kenta is still looking at the laptop. His smile fades out slightly. "Huh, your day isn't here either. Doesn’t anyone use those D-Day counters anymore? You know, those colourful little widgets? Everyone had them when I was in high school..."

Kenta's gaze leaves the screen, looking at Donghan instead. Donghan can't miss the curious look in his eyes.

"Do you remember when yours was? I mean — what the watch showed you before it broke?"

Donghan pauses, taken aback slightly by the sudden question. He should've guessed that the topic would eventually come back to this. Self-consciously, his wrist turns over, hiding the watch face from Kenta's view.

"No, I don't remember. It's been three years since I broke it."

Kenta is still staring at him. "Why?"

"Why what?"

It's an obviously rhetoric question, but Kenta answers it anyway.

"How did it break? I've never heard of anyone breaking their watch, not even on accident."

"You ask too many questions, Kenta."

"I'm just curious!"

Though he doesn't hide the fact that he smashed it on purpose in the first place, Donghan has never told anyone the whole story behind it. He's satisfied enough to tell people that he doesn't like the system and that he doesn't believe he has a soulmate; the upfront and admittedly overdramatic evidence of this is his watch itself, which Donghan feels is powerful enough just to show them and leave the conversation at that.

But Donghan feels strange. There's something about Kenta's earnest gaze and gentle curiosity that makes him want to tell him everything.

Donghan tells himself that it's just because Kenta already seems so naive that maybe telling him about his own experiences will make him _understand,_ somehow, that the system isn't perfect and his optimistic, hopeless-romantic approach to the whole thing is going to leave him disappointed. Maybe if he knew about what happened to the Donghan of the past, he'd learn something from him, and then he could protect himself more instead of running around with his head in the clouds, dreaming of a perfect life with a perfect match that might not even exist.

He doesn't say any of this, though. He tries, at first, starting with a more uncertain sounding 'I-' before he clears his throat. Kenta stares at him with those big warm eyes as Donghan clears his throat and just shrugs.

“‘Cause fuck the system, that’s why,” he answers, making Kenta blink a few times as he sits back. Kenta doesn’t look satisfied with the answer. Donghan sighs, and continues somewhat reluctantly:

"Broke it on the day I got it," he says. "I thought I was going to be matched with someone I knew. When I got my watch, I saw that our times didn't line up like I wanted them to."

Kenta is still watching him closely, saying nothing. Feeling a bit awkward, Donghan clears his throat.

"It was a stupid to be so mad, but the whole thing made me realize that the system is broken. I mean, people can find love or whatever themselves, right? That's what they used to do. Not every relationship would work out, but you'd still get to experience being with them for at least that short while — the stupid watches take that chance away."

He pauses. "So I smashed it."

Kenta's eyes are filled with a strange mix of pity and wonder, too intensely sympathetic for Donghan to handle, and it makes him look away. He wishes almost immediately that he didn’t say anything.

Kenta’s voice sounds somewhat hushed. "You mean, you took your own soulmate away from yourself... because you loved somebody else? That can happen?"

Donghan hesitates. "I guess," From a certain point of view, _yeah,_ he stopped himself from having that chance at his "one true love", but he wasn't thinking that long-term at the time. All he knew in that moment was that his heart was broken into a million pieces and he didn't _want_ to be with anyone else. Smashing his watch was a simple way of dealing with those feelings, but he realized in a few years that condemning the whole system and falling into a life of questionable hook-ups and one-night-stands was his way of rebelling.

"That sounds awful," Kenta says simply. "I'm sorry. You must be really sad that you won't be able to find your match anymore." He looks troubled — Donghan wonders if he's relating what he's saying to his own situation.

 _I’m not like you,_ he wants to say _,_ because Kenta missed the point: Donghan doesn't _want_ a soulmate. "I'm really not," he says flatly.

"But there's someone out there who is supposed to be with you. You don't feel bad for them?"

Donghan shrugs. "I figured their watch might've broken at the same time mine did — I don't know. But I'm sure they can deal."

Kenta is giving him a strange look, but then he tears his gaze away to look at his laptop screen instead. "I don't really get it," Kenta says, and Donghan again wants to answer with duh but he feels too soft for the gentle way Kenta is speaking, and the sympathy he can feel radiating from him. "I don't think I could ever give up on finding the person who's supposed to love me unconditionally." His brows furrow slightly. "It'd probably feel pretty shitty to love someone who you won't end up with in the end."

Something curls painfully in Donghan's stomach as Kenta's words hit too close to home. Donghan gets up from the table, collecting both of their plates and signaling an end to the conversation with a simple, "Yeah, it probably would."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was really boring I Know but i had a lot of intro stuff i had to get through......pls anticipate more angst and mess and potentially Spicy stuff coming up in chapter two!! if you read this far, thank you, i love you ToT
> 
> as always, you can find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/takadatv) for updates about this fic, as well as my other fics and future works and lots of spam on the daily about jbj because i'm obsessed OTL


	2. something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i. anything  
>  **ii. something**  
>  iii. nothing  
> iv. everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took,, so long for me to update rip i'm sorry everyone!! life's been Hecking busy and with doomsday approaching it's been hard to find the muse to write sometimes, BUT i managed to finish this chapter finally so! here we go!
> 
>  **warning:** this chapter is Very Spicy. this is where the rated M comes from - there's nothing explicit, but there's some language, and mature stuff is definitely implied at some points.  
>  there's also some angst throughout this chapter, so fair warning for that too! if u don't like angst u better stop here cause it'll only get worse before it gets better HAHA
> 
> on the bright side, the other 5 members finally appear (some very briefly rip) in this chapter so yay!!
> 
> ( please excuse any grammatical errors or typos and just the Bad Writing in general, TT )

In an unexpected turn of events, Donghan finds a new friend in Takada Kenta.

On that first day, Kenta insisted that Donghan take his phone number for practical reasons: in case either of them have news about his missing soulmate, or at least to discuss possible candidates — but it within a day it becomes more of a way for Kenta to vent, it seems, as the majority of his texts buzzing his phone are unrelated to his love life.

Donghan is understandably a little confused at first, but not unpleasantly so — he kinda likes the sudden, brighter addition to his life; Kenta’s random updates throughout the day are accompanied by cute emojis or stickers and he makes sure that, while he does talk about himself and his situation a lot, he makes sure to ask Donghan questions about his day, too. Donghan’s replies are usually much shorter and pretty boring compared to Kenta’s, but Kenta always replies quickly, and enthusiastically.

The way Kenta types is a lot like how he speaks, what with his polite but flowery tone, the careful, perfect spelling and grammar and the enthusiastic punctuation. He sends messages that seem meticulous, like he really cares about how he’s coming across; meanwhile, Donghan will make a typo and willingly not change it because _whatever._

The main similarity though, Donghan thinks, is that everything he does is soft and endearing, relentlessly cute.

It's dangerous, Donghan thinks, but he still finds answering every text message with a little smile on his face.  
  


* * *

  
“So who’s your Teen Top bias?” Kenta asks simply, a cheery lilt in his tone as he spoons a pile of pudding into Donghan’s bowl. “Let me guess… Niel?”

It’s been a week since the concert, and this is the third time Donghan has been to Kenta’s house. The second time, he came over because Kenta said he was trying a new recipe for an entree he’s never cooked before and he was in desperate need of someone willing to risk trying it. Donghan agreed because he will eat almost anything (as long as there aren’t too many vegetables) and, admittedly, he didn’t have anything better to do. Besides which, he had a hunch that whatever Kenta wanted to cook would turn out well, and he was right. With noodles shoved in his face, he had told Kenta that anytime he wanted someone to try a new dish, he could call Donghan over. Kenta’s face went bright as he agreed, but Donghan didn’t expect him to invite him over again only a couple days later.

Tonight, Kenta tried experimenting with a new type of dessert. It was delicious, obviously, and Donghan didn’t hold back his praise — which had Kenta beaming but brushing it off in a very endearing, humble way.

In return for being fed, Donghan has made an agreement to help with whatever chores Kenta needs to be done. Kenta likes this plan a lot, although Donghan has a feeling he’s more excited about having the company than he is to have his dishes cleaned for him.  
  
“I don’t have a bias,” replies Donghan finally, scooping a little pudding into his mouth. “I’m not like... a fan or anything.”  
  
“What! Really?” Kenta sounds shocked, and maybe a little bit offended, or disappointed, Donghan can’t exactly tell but it makes him feel a little bad. If he could instantly become a Teen Top fan right now, just to have this conversation with Kenta, he would. “Then why were you at the concert…?”  
  
Donghan hesitates, taking a moment too long to come up with a decent lie. But it’s useless, Kenta is already giving him a somewhat suspicious look as if he’s already putting two-and-two together.

“I wanted to, uh, meet people,” he says, which is not exactly a lie. Hopefully, he thinks, Kenta will figure it out on his own and let the subject drop  —

“Meet people?”

_Nope._

Kenta cocks his head slightly, in a cute, puppy-like way. “You were trying to make friends... at a rock concert?” He seems amused. “Do you not have any other friends?”

Donghan glowers a little. “Do _you?_ ‘Cause it seems like I’m the only one you invite over,”

His sass only affects Kenta a little, as he sees the tips of his ears go red. “I _do,_ actually, I just-” Kenta pouts a little, playing with the spoon in his dessert. “I don’t want to tell them what happened last week. Hanging out with you is easy because you already know how sad I am, but I don’t want them to worry.”

Donghan feels a little bad for pointing it out now. The thought that Kenta really is hanging out and texting only him right now, because he’s worried about his other friends, is sweet — and it makes Donghan feel kinda special. Being a person that someone finds comfort in is a very new thing for him, and it’s not as bad of a feeling as he would’ve thought.

At first, he thinks Kenta’s side-tracked enough not to ask him further about that night but of course the conversation ends up coming back to it. “Were you really trying to make friends? Sorry, I didn’t mean to make fun of you but that’s kinda not the best place to get to know people-”

“ _No,_ I wasn’t trying to make friends,” he answers. He’s focusing a little more than necessary on scraping some pudding from the sides of his bowl as Kenta continues staring at him.  
  
For someone who is normally a fairly blunt person, wanting to avoid the subject is unusual — but the truth, that Donghan is one of the people who plays assistant to people cheating on their literal soulmate, that he is also technically cheating” on a soulmate he’d never meet, that he acts as a slut to make himself feel less lonely — he’s not sure how much he wants Kenta to know.

Sweet, soft Kenta, hopelessly romantic by nature and helplessly faithful to the most bullshit ideal system in history, won’t be able to handle it. He’d definitely think badly of Donghan if he knew. Or even worse, he’d be uncomfortable, because it’s easy to misinterpret Donghan’s intentions if you know what he’s really like  — though Donghan never really intended to take him home for that reason, it would be easy for Kenta to assume so and difficult for Donghan to deny.

But, at the same time, to lie about this would be a fairly monumental one considering how Donghan’s whole _deal_ is to be in everyone’s faces with his Fuck The System agenda. To lie, and let Kenta remain blissfully ignorant would be detrimental to this and — as much as he doesn’t want to see Kenta be disappointed in or, maybe even disgusted by, him — in all honesty Kenta would probably find out anyway, considering how Donghan has gotten around in the past.

He swallows his mouthful of dessert, then speaks slowly.  “I wanted to find people to take home...” Donghan says, his tone so nonchalant that he could be talking about what he had for breakfast this morning. Kenta is looking at him from across the table, but he still hasn’t said anything.

 _Do I have to spell it out? Jesus._ “...to have sex with.” He then shrugs his shoulders, still trying to sound casual but the awkwardness is there, making his throat feel tighter. But he goes on: “Concerts, bars, clubs, places like those... it’s easy to find people who are, uh, more open-minded there, so...”  
  
He finally looks at Kenta, who has surprise written all over his face, but then something different — a blink, and an unreadable expression and then he nods, slowly, and then looks down at his own bowl. Donghan is relieved to see that there’s no trace of disgust or anger in his reaction, just acceptance and a fair amount of awkwardness.

A long, silent exhale leaves his lungs. He didn’t consciously realize how worried he was about Kenta’s reaction until then.

He thinks it’s done now — he was pretty blunt, he can’t imagine Kenta has any further questions. Donghan wets his lips somewhat nervously, trying to think of a segway into a different topic.

Just when he thinks it’s safe, Kenta surprises him _again,_ with another question, even though he’s still not looking at him: “Is that… why you let me hang around with you that night?”

Donghan almost chokes on his spoon and goes into a mild state of shock, blinking several times. What kind of question is  _that?_

“ _No,_ ” Donghan says, emphasizing it in the hopes that Kenta will understand that was _not_ his intention. He’s telling the truth, that wasn’t the reason — while he was admittedly attracted to Kenta right off the bat, Kenta was in a vulnerable state and he _didn’t_ really think of it until Kenta asked him to come home. Then, yeah, he definitely spent longer than he should have imagining it — but he’d like to think that’s not entirely his fault. Anyone would’ve been confused in his shoes (or at least he’d like to think so.)

“Not that you’re not my type,” he amends before Kenta can misinterpret him, “You definitely are. But it didn’t seem right when you were, you know, all distraught and heartbroken and everything.”  
  
Kenta is peering at him now, as he dips his spoon into his pudding slowly. “But…” He starts, sounding pensive. There’s no way a good question is coming. “If I had asked you, though… Would you have?”

Kenta and his goddamn invasive curiosity _again._ Donghan is pretty sure he’s smart enough to know what he should and shouldn’t ask, and yet here he is, expecting a yes-or-no answer to an incredibly loaded question. His tone seems innocent, but Donghan senses something a bit more in his sharpened gaze— or is that wishful thinking?  
  
Donghan glances back at him for just a second, then snorts softly as he finishes the last of his treat.

“I don’t like past conditional questions.”

There’s a pause, and then, _Thank God,_ the conversation ends there. Kenta is still looking at him funny between bites, but he takes the hint and changes the subject. Donghan can sense that he still wants to know, though, and he has the feeling that somehow, it’s going to come up again later.

He’s not wrong. Kenta asks him again when they’re in the middle of washing dishes, and Donghan nearly drops a plate into the sink.  
  
“I’m just curious,” Kenta insists, just like that first day during breakfast, but his tone is a little different this time. More hushed. Donghan can sense that he _genuinely_ wants to know the answer. “I deserve to know!”

He isn’t sure how to feel about this. Why does he _want_ to know so badly? Donghan trying to avoid the subject should make it obvious, right? And why does Kenta _care_ when he’s supposed to be dedicated to his Unknown One True Love anyway?

“I might have,” Donghan answers, struggling to keep his tone casual now. “But then again, maybe not. I wouldn’t have taken you seriously. You don’t seem like the _type,_ ” it’s a very light jab, accented by Donghan’s pointed look off to the side, at Kenta’s calendar where a big red circle marks the _life-changing_ event that was supposed to happen last week.

“You’re an _‘I’m saving myself for Mr. Perfect’_ kind of person. I could tell with one look at you.”  
  
Kenta takes longer to reply this time. He turns away, putting some of the dishes up in the cupboard. There’s a strange tenseness coming off of him in waves all of a sudden, and his silence is so charged that Donghan stops what he’s doing to turn and stare at him.  
  
_Huh._

“Wait. Don’t tell me you’ve...” A suspicious note coming into his voice, Donghan squints at him. “You _are_ a saving-yourself person, right?” Kenta still says nothing, fussing about in the cupboard some more and avoiding his gaze in such an obvious way that it’s almost comical. Donghan can see the tips of his ears turning red.  
  
_Oh my God._ What a plot twist.  
  
Amazed, but also _far_ too amused for his own good, Donghan takes his arms out of the sink and leans back against the counter.

“Takada Kenta, I never thought you’d be a _cheater._ “  
  
This finally gets a reaction from the blonde, as he bristles visibly. “It wasn’t cheating!” Kenta protests and turns around, revealing his reddened cheeks.

 _Holy shit,_ Donghan thinks, his interest beyond piqued.

“No? Tell me more,” he says, unable to help the teasing note in his voice.  
  
“ _Stop—_ it was just one time, okay? A long time ago, and we just—!“ Kenta is flustered, but he looks slightly guilty too. He calms himself down by taking a breath, then exhales in a sigh. When he looks at Donghan again, it’s a slight glare at first but Donghan just stares, waiting for him to continue his story.  
  
Donghan is way too invested in this. He was under the impression this whole time that Kenta was keeping himself pure... but, even if he did it _just once_ it’s evidence that he is not, at least not as much as Donghan thought. He smirks — this kind of “only one time won’t hurt” mentality is a common excuse among all the young people he meets. This just furthers his theory that the whole Everyone Needs Only One Person thing is never going to work, because if even 2HEART’s biggest fan can’t resist those human urges, then no one can.  
  
“My classmate and I were eighteen,” Kenta’s arms are crossed over his chest, his eyes fixed on a spot over his shoulder instead of on him. “I still had five years left, and he had four. We were drinking one night, and we we talked about how _annoying_ it is to have to wait so long before, um...” His cheeks redden a bit more. “Y’know. Trying it. Then we.... kissed… and more stuff happened. It was a bad decision! But it only happened once, so it’s fine, and I never did it again so—”  
  
“You don’t have to defend yourself to me, Kenta, it's okay,” Donghan replies, eyebrows raised. “If it felt good to both of you, then it wasn’t a bad decision.”  
  
Kenta looks at him again, giving him an indignant look. “What? It doesn’t matter that it felt good. I mean, if–   _if_ it felt good. You’re not supposed to sleep with people who aren’t—”  
“‘—people who aren’t your soulmate.’ Yeah, I know,” Donghan replies. “I’m just saying, don’t be too hard on yourself. Trust me when I tell you there are tons of other people just like you and your friend.”  
  
Donghan pushes himself off the counter.He should let this go — Kenta seems unbelievably flustered now that Donghan is pretty sure if he wasn’t so polite, he would’ve kicked him out of his house by now. He feels just a little bit bad for making him spill what must be his _deepest, darkest secret_ but then again, it’s Kenta who brought up the subject in the first place.

And it was _Kenta_ who wanted to know whether Donghan would’ve fucked him or not. He straight-up _asked._ Why would he want to know unless he was interested himself?

The conversation stirred new, potentially bad questions in Donghan. Now he’s stuck on the _what if’_ s as he turns around and continues washing the dishes, distracted. _What if_ Kenta had asked? _What if_ he’s still thinking of asking? It’s a thought that would have never occurred to him before, but now that it has…

He swallows. _Shut up,_ _Donghan, he didn’t mean anything by it._ He’s finally made a good, non-sexual friendship and he doesn’t need to make things difficult for himself by letting his mind wander too far.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing,” Kenta cuts into his internal monologue, sounding uncertain as he looks down at the glass. There’s a slight pause as he finishes drying it, and then he sighs. “I shouldn’t have told you, we both promised not to tell anyone…”  
  
After he’s done mumbling, Kenta sighs and turns around, stands up on his tip-toes to put the glass away on the top shelf, but there are too many glasses and mugs there to be able to slide it onto the shelf easily. Kenta isn’t tall enough to be able to move things around.  
  
Donghan — who clearly does not thoroughly think enough about the things he does before doing them — takes the initiative to step away from the sink, and, though he’s still a good step away from Kenta, brings himself close enough for him to see the little mole on the back of his neck. Wordlessly, Donghan takes the cup from his hand. He reaches up, gently shoving some mugs out of the way and then places the glass amongst the others easily, with an audible _tink._

“I’m glad you told me,” he says, still up close, enjoying the way Kenta’s ears flush _way_ too much. To make it even worse, before he can stop himself he finally answers Kenta’s earlier question: “‘Cause for the record, yeah, I would’ve slept with you if you asked me.”  
  
Kenta tenses visibly, and Donghan slaps himself. Why did he say that, why did he _say_ that — What the fuck is he doing?

Much too late, his common sense finally kicks in and he takes a long step backward. He clears his throat. “I mean, _if_ you had asked, but you didn’t, so it’s fine—”  
  
When Kenta turns around, he seems like he’s trying hard to hold a poker face, but he can’t hide the way his whole face is turning red.

“We can just leave the rest of the dishes on the dry-rack,” Kenta says, his words rushed, jumbling together.  
  
Donghan is very thankful. If Kenta had let this conversation go any farther, it would likely not have ended well. Donghan really doesn’t want to complicate things — he’s been fine with helping Kenta with his soulmate problem and keeping him company, he’s been fine with making a new friend. Now that that elephant is in the room, Donghan can’t deny that something has changed slightly, there’s a new kind of tension between them and Donghan, for once, wishes it wasn’t there. 

Kenta is could literally find his soulmate any moment of any day now. Letting this get weirder would throw away any chance of Donghan and Kenta remaining friends after it happens.  
  
Donghan is surprised by how much he really, really doesn’t want that.  
  
“Okay. Thanks for dinner,” he says.  
  
“No problem,” Kenta says, with a smile, and his best attempt at a ‘normal’ tone of voice. “Thanks for doing the dishes.”  


* * *

  
They don’t talk about it again.

They end up texting normally throughout the day like before, with Kenta keeping up with his updates as he goes through his lists, while Donghan sends a message here and there about school or work. Kenta sends him all of the new recipes he finds, asks him which ones he’d like to try and Donghan promises to come over again to try them every time.

Donghan spends more evenings at Kenta’s house than his own. Though he was okay with sleeping over at Kenta’s house for those first two times — just to keep Kenta company at night, as he still whines about being left alone — there seems to be a silent agreement between them now that it would be too awkward after that tense conversation by the sink.

At least, Kenta doesn’t ask Donghan to sleep over anymore, which is maybe for the best; it _would_ be weird now. Donghan is already having a hard enough time dealing with this new stress with Kenta catching his stares here and there, and Kenta’s voice sounding strange when he talks to him sometimes. On the surface, everything is the same as before, but Donghan knows better.  
 

* * *

  
“Have you heard of that new skating rink?” Kenta asks one night when they’re watching TV together, with bowls of ice cream in their laps. A sci-fi show is on, showing an episode that has to do with a dating app gone wrong. Donghan squints a little. The world is fictional, their system is painted as evil and obviously meant to look like a worse alternative to the 2Heart one in real life, but Donghan still finds the uncanny similarities.  
  
Kenta doesn’t seem to notice — he hasn’t even been paying that close attention, scrolling through a few more profiles on his phone; he still hasn’t finished going through that list. He’s paused someone’s video of a couple skating around and waving at the camera. “Do you know how to skate?”  
  
“I’m not good, but yeah.” Donghan catches his eye. “Why, do you want to go?”  
  
Kenta seems a little caught off-guard by the blunt question, but nods with a slight smile. “It looks fun and I haven’t skated in years. I need someone to go with me and make sure I don’t fall, so...”  
  
“We can go. Tomorrow’s Saturday, right?” Donghan says casually, pretending that he doesn’t know that this skating rink is meant to function as a sort of romantic couples attraction. It doesn’t matter — Kenta wants to have fun. He’s missing out on all sorts of ‘couple things’ he should be partaking in right now, anyway. Donghan will likely be uncomfortable surrounded by all the couples, but, if it makes Kenta happy...  
  
“Okay, cool. We can get lunch too?” Kenta seems like he’s trying not to sound overly excited.  
  
Donghan nods. “I’ll pick you up in the morning.”  
  
Kenta glances down at the clock on his phone’s lockscreen. “Um, it’s already 11PM, it would probably be easier for you to just stay here…”

 _Uh oh._ Donghan senses where this is going, and he’s very tempted to outright say _no,_ he should definitely go home tonight — but he doesn’t. He shrugs. “Sure.”  
  
Donghan does stay over, but he almost doesn’t get any sleep at all.

Though he shares a comforter with Kenta, and their conversation before falling asleep is light and normal, it feels strange — like the short distance between them is suddenly much more noticeable.

It’s awkward for a while as they fall quiet, but eventually, Kenta turns away from him and curls up, while Donghan lies there and stares at the ceiling, willing himself to sleep. He can hear that Kenta’s breathing is normal, it doesn’t slow down to signify that he’s falling asleep — they’re both lying there, awake and tense and, undoubtedly, thinking of the same things.  
  
_Chill the fuck out,_ he chastises himself, shutting his eyes tight. Does he need to go out some night and fuck around with someone to take his mind off of it? It’s not a bad idea — he hasn’t gotten any action in the two weeks that he’s known Kenta, which must be why that conversation is messing with him so much...  
  
Kenta rolls over again, facing up this time, and his breathing finally deepens enough for Donghan to tell that he’s asleep. Donghan lets out a long breath, and, after a few minutes, finally falls asleep as well.  


* * *

   
When they show up to the skating rink, Donghan’s theory is confirmed — there are hearts painted on the entrance way, and everyone around them is in pairs. _No thanks,_ he thinks, but Kenta doesn’t seem to mind. He points excitedly at the rink and all the people skating around, then at the skate rental building, and then at the hot chocolate concession stand.  
  
He looks cute, all bundled up in a winter hat and a big scarf. Donghan just has his big winter jacket, while his ears and nose are stinging in the cold, but he doesn’t care. He follows Kenta as he leads him to the skate rental place and the older man hums a little as they pick out their sizes and help each other tie them.  
  
As it turns out, Kenta is a natural at skating.

Donghan isn’t sure whether he was being humble, or if he was just lying about his skating ability to get Donghan to come but Kenta easily glides right onto the ice, his movements smooth and easy as he turns to face him. Donghan struggles a little bit more at first, arms swinging slightly as he tries not to fall and Kenta is laughing at him almost obnoxiously.  
  
“I thought you said you haven’t skated in years!” Donghan complains accusingly, but Kenta’s grin only grows wider. (Donghan glares, but he can’t really be mad at that smile.) “There’s no way. You honestly could tell me you used to be a professional figure skater and I’d believe you right now.” Kenta’s movements in general, even off the ice, are naturally graceful enough that it would make sense.  
  
Kenta just shrugs and shakes his head. While skating _backwards,_ for fuck’s sake. “It’s just easier to skate than usual today, I don’t know. Maybe they recently cleaned the ice?”  
  
“Then why do I suck?"  Donghan complains as his skate catches on nothing, and Kenta is grabbing onto his arm. Donghan puffs out both cheeks — a juvenile expression that he wouldn’t normally make, but Kenta loves it. He can’t mistake the bright look in his eye as Kenta laughs at him, but it’s a soft and endeared sound.  
  
“You’ll be okay! Just don’t forget to keep moving your feet...”  
  
They make it around one loop, Kenta steadying Donghan when he needs it, as Donghan slowly gains more confidence in his strides and his muscle memory kicks in. By the second loop, he’s able to steady himself more easily, though Kenta’s hand stays holding his sleeve for longer than he needs to.

They manage to match their speed to the couples skating around them, and continue a conversation they were having earlier about the best kind of salad. (Food, they’ve both realized, is something they’re both passionate about. It’s their go-to, because they can talk about it easily, and happily, without fear of _feelings_ or other less innocent things coming into the conversation again.)  
  
Donghan notices that Kenta’s eyes are either resting on him, or straight ahead — he isn’t trying to look at everyone’s watches. Donghan rationalizes that it’s probably because he knows most of the people here have red watches anyway... but Kenta seems more relaxed in general, and Donghan would like to think that his missing soulmate isn’t weighing on his mind as much as usual.  
  
But he isn’t sure why he cares.  
  
They skate around for what must be half an hour. Kenta tries to teach him to skate backwards, but Donghan isn’t quite able to pull it off — he still doesn’t fall, but he embarrasses himself by _almost_ falling enough to tell Kenta that skating backwards isn’t even that impressive of a trick anyway and he can always come back and learn it later when it’s not so busy.  
  
They get off the ice, slightly winded and with their cheeks flushed with cold but lined both of them are smiling a little. They decide they want hot chocolate, but the thought of trying to wobbily clunk their way over there in skates is scary to both of them, so they return to the rental place to put their shoes on.  
  
Donghan pays for both of their drinks. He’s watching Kenta puff some air across the top of his cup as he hears something behind him.  
  
“Donghan! Is that you?”  
  
Kenta’s gaze flicks up from his hot chocolate, looking curiously at someone over Donghan’s shoulder.  
  
Donghan doesn’t recognize the voice at first, but when he turns around and sees the owner, his stomach drops to his knees.  
  
_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck_ **_fuck_ ** _._ A smile splits the handsome face in front of him, and Donghan’s heart is beating hard, painfully.  
  
“Woah! It’s been so long...”

Donghan is frozen, but he feels three different pairs of eyes on him. They belong to Kenta, a stranger, and the familiar man —  
  
“Hyunbin,” Donghan says, his voice feeling sticky. “Hey.”  
  
It’s strange, seeing someone you once thought you could spend your life with smiling at you, speaking to you casually as if the last time you interacted wasn’t four fucking years ago — seeing him standing there holding someone else’s hand as if none of it matters. And, Donghan supposes, maybe to his former best friend, it _doesn’t_ matter that much – after all, it was Donghan who freaked out that summer and fucked everything up in the first place, not him.  
  
Hyunbin is blonde now, and he looks happy. He’s much taller, and his face is slimmer, but still as youthful and pretty as Donghan remembers. His voice is much deeper, which is why Donghan didn’t recognize him when he called his name.  
  
Donghan’s gaze wrenches away from Hyunbin’s face and lands on the smaller man standing beside him. A handsome but sleepy looking, black-haired man is holding onto his hand. As a course of habit, Donghan looks at their wrists. Of course, they’re red — he didn’t expect anything else.  
  
“Wow,” Hyunbin breathes, still smiling. “You’ve grown up so much. You’re, like… _bigger._ ”  
  
Donghan, for once, is unsure of what to say. He just nods. “And you’re taller.”  
  
There’s an awkward silence, and then Hyunbin seems to remember his partner — “Oh!” he holds up their hands and Donghan bites back his ‘yeah yeah, I know’ as he introduces him. “Yongguk, say hi.” Suddenly, he shifts his gaze to the forgotten blonde standing behind Donghan. “Is that your–?”  
  
Without thinking, Donghan reaches back and grabs Kenta’s free hand. Conveniently, it’s the arm with his watch, so Donghan tilts their hands to make their watches face behind them. Donghan glances at Kenta to see his alarmed expression, but he doesn’t pull his hand away, as Donghan looks back at Hyunbin and lies through his teeth—  
  
“Yeah. This is Kenta.”  
  
Donghan is half-expecting Kenta to call him out, but he says nothing. In fact, Donghan can feel him shift closer, as he squeezes his hand.  
  
Kenta is more intuitive than he thought. Donghan wills away the way his stomach churns as Kenta mumbles an awkward little _“hello”_ and Hyunbin cheerily greets him back, then turns his smile toward Donghan again.  
  
“See, I told you you’d find your person. And he’s so cute! Ah, I’m happy... I was worried about you.”  
  
Donghan’s jaw clenches, but he forces a tight-lipped smile. He feels a gaze burning into him, and then notices that Yongguk is staring at his and Kenta’s wrists.  
  
“I’m happy for you too,” Donghan says, his voice still coming out a little funny. And he is, on some level — seeing Hyunbin smile like that again is nice when the last expression Donghan remembered on his face was of confused hurt as Donghan cried in front of him.

Hyunbin hadn’t known about Donghan’s feelings before that day — but young Donghan has thought up until then that the feelings were mutual. After confessing and expressing his anger with how Hyunbin’s watch only said one year while Donghan’s said four, Donghan’s dreams of a real relationship with his best friends fell apart around him. That night is when he went home and smashed his watch with the palm of his hand until it bled, cursing the system and everything about it through tears.  
  
Hyunbin doesn’t know about the broken watch though, about how Donghan deprived himself of that future in a fit of anger — he never _wanted_ Hyunbin to know because the knowledge would hurt too much, he’d be too guilty. That’s why Donghan pulls Kenta close to his side, fakes a smile and goes along with the heavy lie — he doesn’t want Hyunbin to worry. Hyunbin seems relieved, and it feels nice to make him happy for once.  
  
“Hyunbin, we should go — Taedong’s waiting for us on the rink somewhere.” Yongguk speaks for the first time, gently, but his sharp gaze is on Donghan and Kenta. He must have seen one of their wrists.

Donghan catches his gaze for a moment, trying to give him a look that says _don’t tell him._ Yongguk stares back for a moment and Donghan thinks he catches a tiny nod, making a wave of relief come over him.  
  
“Oh crap— yeah, let’s go. Donghan,” Hyunbin is shifting, getting ready to move on but he casts them a hopeful gaze. “I’ll see you around?”  
  
“Sure,” Donghan lies. Hyunbin smiles and turns around and Donghan’s eyes linger on the couple all the way until they disappear into the skate rental building. After a second, Kenta lets go of his hand and steps away.  
  
The interrogation starts immediately.

“Why did you say that?” Kenta demands, the uncharacteristic sharpness of his tone startling Donghan. “You– you shouldn’t have. Now they think we’re soulmates, and they might tell other people we’re soulmates and—”  
  
Donghan doesn’t understand why he’s reacting like this. He can’t be _that_ upset if he played along in the first place, right? But then why are Kenta's cheeks more flushed with anger than with cold?

A bitter feeling starts creeping up on him.

“Why not? Is the thought of it that embarrassing to you? I didn’t think I was /that/ bad,” Donghan scoffs.  
  
“ _Donghan,_ ” Kenta says, sounding more frustrated than before. “What if they knew someone who is looking for me. What if they find him later? They won’t have a clue that it was me who needs to match with him!”  
  
Truthfully, that thought hadn’t occurred to Donghan, but still; seeing Kenta angry is strange to him, and he doesn’t like it at all. Donghan can’t help feeling defensive. “Why’d you let me do it, then? You could’ve just told them the truth.”  
  
“I wanted to help you,” Kenta replies tightly. “I don’t know why you wanted to pretend all of a sudden, but it seemed important.” His voice softens somewhat as he exhales. “And I didn’t like that sad look on your face. When I figured out what you were doing, I just wanted to help...”  
  
Donghan feels a little guilty. He did, technically, just use Kenta as a means to make himself look less fucked-up than he is, without thinking of the repercussions for the older. “Sorry. That was stupid,” he apologizes sincerely, which is a rarity.

Kenta stares for a second, but the anger from before doesn’t seem to be on his face anymore. He still looks troubled though, shifting as he chews his lip and looks away again. “No, it’s okay. Just... ask me first next time?”  
  
Donghan nods.  
  
Though they’re both still uncomfortable, they return to almost-normal conversation as they make their way to the car and Donghan picks out a nearby café where they can have lunch.  
  
Donghan is only half-present — his replies are more subdued than normal, and Kenta’s nervousness indicates that he can tell something isn’t right. As they eat, after some time they fall into silence as Donghan’s mind stays stuck at that concession stand, on seeing Hyunbin’s face and meeting his boyfriend and Kenta being angry at him and, perhaps more upsettingly, how for those few minutes Donghan actually /liked/ pretending Kenta was his soulmate. He liked holding his hand, but more importantly, he liked feeling, in that moment, as though Kenta is really his. 

_Shit—_ he startled himself with that thought, nearly dropping his chopsticks into his bowl of ramen. Kenta is looking at him from across the table, a mixture of apprehension and concern in his eyes as he asks, _what’s wrong?_  
  
“Don’t worry about it.”  


* * *

   
Donghan drives him home. As they pull into the parking lot of the apartment building, Kenta’s phone starts buzzing.  
  
“Again?” Kenta mutters, and Donghan glances over with curiosity to see the screen of an incoming FaceTime call, and a contact labelled ‘Bestie♥'. Donghan laughs through his nose, looking away.  
  
“You should answer,” he says, and Kenta glances at him. “How many times have they called you?” Donghan pulls into a parking spot and then turns off the car.   
  
“A lot,” Kenta answers meekly. “I don’t know, I’m nervous. I’ve been texting them that I’m busy, but they want to hear about my soulmate and everything and if I don’t come up with something, they’ll stress out about it...”  
  
“Answer them, Kenta. They’re gonna just show up at your house sooner or later. Just talk to them quickly in here before you go in.”  
  
Kenta chews his lip, takes a deep breath, and nods. “Promise me to be quiet though? I don’t feel like explaining _you_ to them just yet.”

Donghan agrees, but he makes a weird expression. Why would that matter? Kenta could just say he’s his friend.   
  
Kenta counts to three out loud, and then taps on the answer button, holding his phone a fair distance from his face.    
  
Immediately, a very close-up face appears on the tiny screen. _ “Holy SHIT, finally!! Taehyun, come here!” _

Both Donghan and Kenta flinch at the yelling. Kenta very subtly turns down the volume on his phone by several clips.   
  
“Hey,” Kenta says, an awkward smile on his face.   
  
The view on the screen shifts, and a different face comes into view. This new person is not as loud at the first, but he’s very chastising.    
  
_ “Jesus fucking Christ, Kenta. We thought your soulmate must’ve kidnapped you! Do you know how worried I was? I was on my way to come break down your door. You should thank Sanggyun for stopping me, honestly.” _ _  
_   
Sanggyun cuts in:  _ “I told him you’re probably just having super-happy-fun-time with your person. Y’know, like D-Day being actually being, like,  _ D _ -Day. And then D-night, and D-week—  _ ow! _ Taehyun!” _

Kenta is shrinking in his seat, and Donghan isn’t sure whether he feels more pity or amusement at the scolding he’s getting. Kenta doesn’t answer yet, but he doesn’t have to.    
  
_ “Where is he, by the way?” _   The excited chatter from the first friend — Sanggyun, Donghan guesses — comes from the little speaker.  _ “How cute is he? Or, uh, she, maybe, I guess, we can’t assume.” _

This is where Kenta speaks up in a tiny voice, clearing his throat. “Well, actually, about that—“   
  
Suddenly, a dog barks outside, a few meters away from their car. It makes both Donghan and Kenta jump, but the phone slips out of Kenta’s startled hands and lands on his lap, sliding a little over the edge of his thigh and Kenta snatches it back up again  _ just  _ as Donghan comes into view at a very strange angle.   
  
Two gasps come from the faces crowding onto Kenta’s screen. Kenta flusters, he’s about to say something but then a very loud, very excited  _ “oh my god he’s HOT”  _ makes Kenta click the volume down another notch.    
  
“Wait, no!” Kenta strains to be heard, shaking his head back and forth. Donghan wonders if his frustration from earlier is coming back to him as there’s a bit of a desperate note to his voice now. “No, he’s not my soulmate. He’s just– he’s just my friend.”   
  
_ “Oh,” _ Sanggyun says, sounding disappointed.    
  
Taehyun speaks next.  _ “Then where _ is  _ your soulmate?” _ _  
_   
Sanggyun is pouting at the camera, but then it shifts and only Taehyun’s face is visible. They can hear Sanggyun’s voice off-screen:  _ “He made a new hot friend. We’ve been replaced, Taehyun. What does it mean when he replaces two hot friends with one hot friend?—” _

_ “Shut up. Can you let him talk? Look, he’s upset...” _

Sanggyun goes quiet, and Donghan’s alarmed now as well. 

He didn’t notice that Kenta’s phone had started trembling. Donghan looks over to see him biting his lip, with the shadow of that very sad look from their first night together pulling down on the corners of his mouth and making his eyes look shiny. Donghan’s urge to hug him close also comes back in full force, but he stays silent where he is in his driver’s seat. Taehyun is frowning, but both friends wait to hear what Kenta wants to say. 

“I, ah... didn’t find him,” Kenta explains, his voice sounding deceptively casual. “You know how I went to that concert? There were too many people in the area. My watch just... didn’t work.” Kenta lets out a long breath, and Donghan hopes he feels relieved by finally telling his friends the truth.    
  
_ “Oh,”  _ Taehyun says.  _ “Fuck. I’m sorry.” _   
  
Sanggyun, who is only visible by his shoulder in the corner of the screen, doesn’t say anything. Donghan can’t really blame him.

_ “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” _  Taehyun asks, his tone more sympathetic than accusatory.    
  
“I didn’t want to worry you guys. I knew how excited you both were for my D-Day — I was hoping I could just find my person by now and then introduce you like everything’s fine, but...”   
  
“ _ Kenta, _ ” Taehyun sighs, the affection obvious in his tone.  _ “You soft, silly boy. We would’ve helped you.” _ _  
_   
Sanggyun pipes up again:  _ “It was worse to not hear from you at all, man.” _   
  
“I’m sorry,” Kenta says, and alarms go off in Donghan’s head when he thinks he sees tears glinting in the light from his phone.    
  
_ “Naw, it’s okay.” _ Sanggyun’s face comes back on-screen again, and his voice is clearer.  _ “You’ll find them, I promise. That’s what the system is about, right? You’ll always find the person you’re supposed to be with.” _   
  
Donghan tastes something sour in his mouth, but he says nothing. He looks out of his driver’s window as Kenta continues talking to his friends behind him.    
  
_ “Hold up, so tell us about your new hot friend! If you’re not replacing us, then what is he doing there?”  _ Sanggyun’s voice is back to sounding chipper, in what’s probably an attempt to distract him.    
  
“Oh, I met him at the concert,” Kenta replies, brightening a little. “He stuck with me to make sure I was okay. I think he’s spent like a hundred hours trying to help me look for my person.” Donghan glances over his shoulder to see Kenta giving him a small smile. “Want to say hi, Donghan?”   
  
Donghan shrugs. Kenta turns the phone toward him and Donghan gives them a half-assed wave. “Sup.”

Taehyun moves the phone back to show both boys in the frame. They’re half-smiling, waving back at Donghan.  _ “Thanks for watching over him,”  _ Taehyun says.  _ “I hope he didn’t cry on you too much. Our Kenta is a bit of a baby...” _   
  
Donghan smiles slightly. “Yeah, he did. He stained my shirt with glitter.”   
  
This makes both of the other boys smile, as Kenta huffs and takes the phone back. Sanggyun calls out a ‘thank you’ and a cute ‘goodbye!’ to Donghan as Kenta deliberately turns the phone screen away from where Donghan can see it, mumbling something about how glitter doesn’t stain.    
  
_ “We have to go, my mom made us dinner,” _ pipes up Taehyun.  _ “Let’s hang out next week.” _   
  
_ “We miss you, you punk,”  _ Sanggyun chimes in.  _ “You better not ghost us again,” _ followed by a somewhat more serious: _ “And don’t cry anymore, alright? We’ll find your person for you. I have a few arguably really bad ideas already, but Taehyun will probably come up with a much smarter way to find them.” _ _  
_   
Kenta smiles softly. “Thank you.”   
  
_ “We’ll see you soon!” _   
  
“See you.”   
  
The video call ends, and Kenta melts back into his seat. “That was so stressful!” He whines, covering his face.   
  
Donghan laughs. “But you survived. I’m proud of you.”   
  
“Thank you,” Kenta mumbles into his hands, then sighs as he pulls them away. “I do feel better after telling them, though.”   
  
“Yeah. It’s good to have more people helping you than just one. You’ll have more of a network now.”

Kenta nods, seeming a bit distant.   
  
He thinks back to Kenta’s introduction of him — how he mentioned spending a lot of time with him looking for his soulmate with him. Kenta didn’t mention anything about the time they spend texting about random things, eating dinner together, washing dishes together, going out ice skating or sleeping in the same bed or other various, not soulmate-searching related activities. Kenta referred to him as a friend, though, and that should be enough of an explanation... everything they’ve done together have been  _ friend  _ things after all, right? What else would they be?    
  
“They called me your hot friend.” Donghan is smirking a little. Kenta looks at him and makes a face, then reaches over to unlock his door.    
  
“Well, I mean, you are— stop, don’t give me that look! I’m just saying,  _ technically _ ...”   
  
Donghan shouldn’t be surprised that Kenta thinks he’s hot — and he’s not, really, but it feels nice to hear it from him anyway. “Don’t worry, I know.”    
  
Kenta rolls his eyes despite the small smile twisting his lips, his hand on the door handle. “See you later...” 

He starts to open the door, but then, suddenly, he stops. The door closes, and he looks back to a very confused Donghan.    
  
“Actually, do you want to, um, stay for dinner?” 

Donghan stares at him. “Are you sure? It’s been kind of a long day.”    
  
Donghan isn’t sure why this feels so  _ different,  _ He’s had dinner at Kenta’s place so many times by now that it should be completely normal. Kenta must feel the weirdness too — he adds, too quickly: “You bought lunch today, so it’s only fair—” and then, he adds more quietly: “I just feel better with you here.”    
  
Of course, Donghan agrees.  
  


* * *

  
‘Do you want to stay for dinner’ becomes ‘can you sleep over again?’ fairly quickly and Donghan tries his best not to get his wilder thoughts get the better of him. Kenta maintains that he needs Donghan there in order to be able to fall asleep. It’s bullshit — Donghan knows by now that them sleeping in the same bed has gotten too weird for either of them to be able to sleep properly. 

Donghan, for once, thinks about saying no just because he isn’t sure he likes the way his heartbeat quickens at the thought.    
  
“Okay.”  _ Fuck.  _   
  
“Can I ask you something kinda weird?” Kenta speaks up in a whisper in the darkness from his side of the bed. Donghan, who has not come even close to falling asleep, stares up at the ceiling. “You can say no if you want.”   
  
“Mm.”   
  
“Could we, maybe...” he can hear the nervousness in Kenta’s voice. “Cuddle?”    
  
It’s not a difficult request on be surface. There have been nights where Donghan wakes up and Kenta’s arm is on his chest, or he is curled up closer to him than he was when they fell asleep — Donghan never minds, he likes the closeness. He has thought once or twice about how nice it would be to have a sleepy Kenta in his arms but he’s never acted on it in fear of overstepping both Kenta’s, and even his own, boundaries. When it happens on accident — it’s fine. Natural, even, for instinctively cuddly people like Kenta and Donghan.    
  
Kenta asking for it, though, feels different. But Donghan doesn’t say no. Instead, he rolls over and faces the blonde. 

He can see an orange streetlight shining on the side of Kenta’s head, highlighting his hair and the outline of his face. The only other light comes from the alternating blue glow of the watch, but he can just barely make out Kenta’s soft, imploring gaze.    
  
“C’mere,” Donghan says, lifting an arm. Kenta shifts closer to him, hesitating at first but then he tucks in, finds a comfortable position while still somewhat facing Donghan, his head near enough to him that a couple stray blond hairs are ruffled by Donghan’s breath. As they settle, Kenta’s arm silently snakes around Donghan’s waist.    
  
Donghan can’t hide his heart thumping harder. He can feel Kenta’s breaths against his chest, and when he stays still enough he can feel Kenta’s little heartbeat as well. Is his heart going faster too? Or is he imagining it? 

“Want to know why I got so angry earlier today?” Kenta speaks up suddenly, in a whisper. He’s speaking into Donghan’s chest, Donghan can feel the way his breath warms up his shirt and he swallows. 

“No,” he answers at first, but then exhales lightly. “But tell me.” 

“Because… these days, it’s been harder to remember why you’re my friend in the first place, and,” Kenta’s voice is soft, almost difficult to hear. Donghan listens, his heart beating too hard.  _ I don’t want to hear this,  _ he thinks vehemently, but at the same time, he does. 

He senses the road that this conversation is going to go down and it’s  _ not good,  _ but Donghan still finds that he’s excited. 

“And sometimes I forget about my soulmate when you’re with me.” Kenta stops, sounding hesitant. 

Donghan says nothing, but Kenta shifts slightly and goes on. “Today, I got upset because pretending felt too real and — I was overwhelmed, because it felt weird and sad to remember it was fake but that wasn’t your fault, so I’m sorry for getting mad.”

“It’s okay,” Donghan answers automatically, his voice a little breathy. His thoughts are racing.

Kenta is quiet for another moment, and Donghan senses that he’s not finished but he silently pleads for him not to say anything else, because it’s  _ too much  _ what with how close he is, how their bodies are almost tangled together and it’s making his heart do somersaults. Kenta saying this stuff makes him nervous, but he’s not sure why. It shouldn’t. He shouldn’t care, but he does. 

Donghan swallows thickly, then speaks up finally: “Does forgetting make you feel better?” 

Kenta hesitates, but Donghan can feel him nod. 

Then, he mumbles: “I asked to cuddle because I was hoping it would feel wrong, since you’re not my person, but…”

Donghan can feel Kenta’s arm tighten around his waist. “...it doesn’t.”

“You shouldn’t be saying this stuff, Kenta.” 

“No, but you shouldn’t be holding me this close either,” the smaller man agrees, his voice sounding a bit breathy. 

Donghan doesn’t reply, and Kenta shifts, blankets stirring as he draws away to be able to look at him. Donghan meets his gaze, sees a mixed look of nervousness but also that same sharp, curious look that he saw in Kenta’s eyes that night in the kitchen. 

Donghan isn’t all that surprised when Kenta leans in slow, though his heart is in his throat as Kenta’s free hand comes up to rest on the side of his face. When Kenta’s lips touch his a second later, he’s still not surprised. 

The first kiss is light, it lingers for only a second but it leaves a tingling feeling. Donghan at first thinks Kenta is satisfied now, that he got the answer he was looking for and he's done now—

But then they look at each other for a second in the darkness, and the air is so charged between them that it only feels natural when they’re kissing again, lips moving together and with no hesitation this time, as Kenta’s hand moves away from his cheek, to the back of his neck, where his fingers end up tangled in his hair. 

Donghan is amazed at how  _ different  _ this feels — all the people he’s kissed, all the different pairs of hands in his hair and the different bodies pressed up against him, all of it’s nothing really compared to how kissing Kenta makes him feel. Maybe it’s all the tension built up in him making him feel more desperate than normal but when he shifts to lean over Kenta, kissing him long and deep until he’s making little gasps between his kisses, his mind stuck on how good it feels that Kenta is making those sounds for  _ him.  _

When he finally breaks away, they’re both breathing heavily. Donghan stares down at Kenta, whose face is still only visible in soft orange and blue lights while his eyes still look a little lidded and his lips swollen, parted as he stares right back up at him.  
  
“That’s a pretty good distraction,” Kenta says quietly, lips quirking up in an almost seductive-looking smile. 

_ God,  _ Donghan is already a mess,  _ can he not?  _ — they shouldn’t go farther than this. As much as he wants to. As much as  _ Kenta  _ wants to, judging by the way his fingers are playing with some of Donghan’s hair at the nape of his neck. “We should go to sleep.”

Kenta’s lower lip juts out slightly. “I’m not tired,”

“Don’t lie.”  _ Fuck.  _ He’s trying really hard to be the good guy here but it’s getting more and more difficult. If Kenta has only done this once before, how is he  _ this  _ good, both at the kissing itself and the very clever way that he’s pouting his lips to draw Donghan’s attention to them — successfully, as Donghan’s eyes barely leave them for a second.

“What if I asked you that question now?” Kenta asks, his tone lowering. A nervous look comes back to his expression and Donghan’s heartbeat drums on his ears. He knows exactly what question he means, what Kenta is implying. “I want to forget, for real… just for tonight.”

Donghan opens his mouth, which has by now gone dry, ready to say something else like  _ we can’t,  _ or  _ you’d regret it tomorrow,  _ or  _ you don’t know what you’re doing to me —  _

“Please,” Kenta adds, knocking Donghan’s guard down in one fell sweep. 

“Alright,” _Fuck._ “Just for tonight.” 

Kenta’s eyes widen, but then he smiles  _ that  _ smile again and Donghan lowers, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth, and then his jaw, then his neck.

As Kenta’s breath hitches, Donghan reaches to grab the hand that’s still on his back and places it on the bed beside them. In one careful move he covers the face of Kenta’s watch with his hand, snuffing out that flashing blue light.

_ Pretend I’m yours tonight,  _ he thinks, kissing Kenta again with his wrist still held down.  _ And I’ll pretend you’re mine.  
  
_

* * *

  
Donghan has told many lies, but ‘just for tonight’ might be the biggest one yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO i re-wrote that scene like 6 times and i'm still not quite happy with it but.. wheezes.. the spicy.....  
> this chapter is where the "friends with benefits" part of the plot comes into play, as u can tell ( eyes emoji ) at first the benefits were just good food & company but now they're...... _yeah._ the next chapter is going to be even MORE emo and maybe a bit intense? so fair warning for that, please prepare ur hearts because i will probably accidentally(?) break them ( AND THEN REPAIR THEM DONT WORRY ) 
> 
> THAT is enough spoilers though... anyway, i hope you guys liked this chapter and i'm sorry about how messy it is,,,
> 
> let me know in the comments what u thought, or find me on twitter @takadatv to scream if you feel like it! thank you so much again to my friends who have been following this story & any of my others!! i wouldn't be able to tell stories like this without your support so really, it means a lot, i owe you my heart and soul. have a joyful day! <3


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